Episode 77

Wildly Weird and Messy with Shiloh Minor

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Transcript
audioChrisJolly:

Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast.

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I'm very excited to be with you today.

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As that I always am, because I

have a chance to interview another

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amazing entrepreneur today.

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Her name is Shiloh Minor, and she

is a life coach who specifically

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helps high achieving women

create extraordinary marriages.

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Shiloh, thank you so much for

taking time out of your day

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and joining us on the podcast.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Thank you for having me.

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I'm very excited.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023:

Yeah, absolutely.

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My pleasure.

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I know that we're going to have

some amazing conversations today.

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I can't wait to see what kind of value

we're going to deliver for the audience.

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So it's going to be super good time.

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And I'm going to have some questions

around the financial part as well.

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We'll get to that kind of later on.

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So why don't you tell me a little

bit more about how you got started

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in this and who comes to you and what

kind of help they're looking for?

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audioShilohMinor11512845023: Sure.

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Absolutely.

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So I'm what you might call

an accidental entrepreneur.

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I never planned to run a business.

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I was just like, no, that's fine.

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I'll have jobs.

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I don't mind that.

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But after having kids and my marriage

started having troubles and I

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married a great guy and I'm going,

why is my marriage having troubles?

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We're both good people.

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I really went deep to figure

out what creates long lasting,

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passionate, sustainable marriages.

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And I discovered that there's a

lot of things that nobody knows.

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There's tons of things that nobody knows

when they get married and that people

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have a lot of unnecessary divorces.

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And so through all that learning,

I transformed my marriage and

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create, made it more what it was

possible to be, you can see that

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sometimes Oh, this could be so good.

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If we could just communicate, or usually

we put some label on it, like you have to

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go to therapy or we have to go to therapy.

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And then if your husband doesn't want

to go to therapy or you think we're

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never going to be what we can be.

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Women lose hope.

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And then eventually they

just shut down and leave.

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And so when I discovered how to do that, I

immediately thought, I have to share this.

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Like far and wide, I have to give this

to other women, because it's just an

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essential tool for enjoying your marriage.

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A lot of the advice I got

was, really polarizing.

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It's either just put up with it because

that's marriage and those are your vows.

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And you have a good situation.

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It was never horrific, on

paper, it was good situation.

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Or, it's not the right person

and you're, life is short and

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your happiness is important.

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And just try again.

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And I had learned enough up to that

point to know that second marriages

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have a higher failure rate than

first marriages and that's not really

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how it works for a lot of people.

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And so I thought, no, I want to stay

married and I want to be fulfilled.

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And so that's what I

help other women do now.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023:

That's amazing.

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And it really highlights how

there's this big rift in our culture

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where a lot of people feel like.

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It's 1 or the other, right?

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You're either in marriage or you're

leading a fulfilling life, and

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it totally shouldn't be that way.

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And even statistically speaking,

if you look at most of the

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research they've done, people who

are married tend to live longer.

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They tend to be happier.

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They're wealthier.

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All of these things.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Yeah, that's exactly it.

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And there's.

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I think that there's a bit of a

lie in the spiritual community that

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you're going to outgrow someone.

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Oh, you became so spiritual

that you outgrew that person.

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And just the language of it, it's

is that really what spirituality is?

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You become incapable of

keeping your commitments.

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You become incapable of loving

people who are different than you.

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I don't know about that.

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That sounds like immaturity to me, right?

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And not to say there are not

legitimate reasons to get divorced.

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I'm not against all divorce, but I

really believe that The true fulfillment

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in life comes with learning how to

give and receive love, not becoming

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really skilled at avoiding anybody

who makes you uncomfortable because

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marriage will make you uncomfortable.

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Like you're not married.

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If you haven't been uncomfortable,

like that's going to happen.

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And it's making the gold out

of that and finding, your own

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maturity and your own depth.

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And then through that, enjoying

that other person more,

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: Absolutely.

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Shiloh, tell me, what is it that

you discovered that kind of helped

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resurrect or reposition, if you will,

your marriage and what are you doing

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to help the women who come to you?

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Because I know there are so many

people who go to couples therapy

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and according to the numbers, it's

pretty much just as effective as not

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going or doing nothing or whatever.

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And then I see people who go

to a coach and then they get

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results in three or four months.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023: I

love that you brought that up

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because people think couples

therapy is the port of last resort.

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It's our chance, but

usually it doesn't work.

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And one of the reasons I believe it

doesn't work is because you're not

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taking responsibility for yourself.

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When you go to a therapist,

you're thinking I'm going

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to drag my partner there.

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And that therapist is going to

validate why I think they're wrong.

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And if they don't, I'm going to leave.

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And if they do, that person's

going to feel attacked.

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And so you end up in this triangle

of misery and blame, right?

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Whereas what I learned is that there

is that your relationship's a mirror.

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First of all, it's bringing up your stuff.

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And then also that your

relationship with yourself.

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Needs to be deepened and taken to

a level that you don't need as a

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single person to enjoy a marriage.

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For example, if your partner criticizes

you, and you're very critical of

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yourself already, you're going to

lose it because you've already been

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thinking you're not doing good enough.

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You're already hard on yourself.

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Like I had this as a mother I'm

already, house isn't clean and

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can't manage these children.

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So if anything was even breathed about

that, I'm in a puddle and I'm either

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angry or I'm bawling my eyes out.

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That's because I've already

been derating myself.

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I've already been being so hard on myself.

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So I learned that this aspect of having

a conscious relationship with yourself.

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Mitigates like 50 percent of the

pain, like you're causing yourself all

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that pain and then when your partner

taps it ever so gently, you explode

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and it's like a tinderbox, right?

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So I really learned that a lot of my

stories, a lot of the narrative that I was

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bringing to my relationship was fully my

childhood experiences from my marriage.

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I was projecting my family of origin

directly onto my new family and creating

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the same dynamics with my thinking.

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And that I was making my husband

emotionally unsafe, so I wanted

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him to make me feel safe, and I

was telling him how he should do

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that, but that was criticizing him.

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So all that criticism, all

that, the instinctual way that

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we communicate to our partners.

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Is often a form of criticism, even if you

say it gently, you're saying you're wrong.

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You're not doing this right.

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Why don't you do this and

we focus on the negative.

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And turning that all around to what's

my relationship with myself, I help

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women see that make it conscious and

improve it through inner child work.

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And then, what am I doing

to make my life wonderful?

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We just blame our husbands

for how our lives suck.

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And you'll see women get divorced, and

then they get fit, and then they're living

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their best life, and it's this big divorce

party, and it's like, nobody was putting

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you in a cage when you were married.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023: It

was just uncomfortable for you

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emotionally to change the rules.

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It was uncomfortable for you to

renegotiate the contract and say,

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Hey, I want to go to the gym.

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I want to travel with my friends.

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I want to change my job.

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And, maybe your partner go really,

I don't know, and maybe not be a

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hundred percent co signing on it.

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Like it's not usually that person

is preventing you completely from.

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From doing for yourself.

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And so again, once you do

all this inner work, your

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relationship changes on its own.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah.

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I think that's such a key

point and so important.

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My girlfriend actually is a sex

love and relationship coach.

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And so she has women ask all the time

I want to do this work, but what if

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my husband doesn't respond well to

it or what if he's not into it or

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what if he doesn't want to take part?

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And she's it doesn't matter.

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This is about you and how

you feel about yourself.

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And when you change that, everything

else will around you change.

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And it's absolutely true because

I've seen it happen so many times.

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It's amazing.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Oh, I love it.

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That makes sense why

you're so well informed.

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Why does this man know

so much about my niche?

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Yeah, no, it's, it really is incredible.

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And like you said, it can be in a few

months and people are going to therapy for

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years and just fighting with each other.

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And it's a real tragedy.

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Like it's truly a tragedy of

our times that this kind of.

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Understanding is so hidden.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023:

Yeah, and I think it really is

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about the time that we're in.

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Because if you look at generations

before, their marriages weren't

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way more outstanding than the

ones people are having today.

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The challenges are pretty much the same.

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It was just, they were

making a conscious decision.

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We might not always get along.

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It might not always be the best, but

we've decided we're in this together

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and we're going to keep at it.

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And it feels like to me, once you

decide that you don't have to follow

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by that anymore, that's why second

marriages don't work and third marriages

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just don't work, because now you're

just like if I run into something and

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I don't like it, I'll just move on.

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And there we go.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023: Yeah.

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Yeah, definitely.

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And because there's when you have

in your mind that this is my person

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really that it's family, right?

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That's what I realized when you get

married and you take a traditional

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perspective on it, that person is your

family, which means you fight with

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them and brings up your family stuff.

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First of all, like you can feel trapped.

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You can feel like, oh my God, like you

can get into this victim complex about it.

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Because they're your family.

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But it also means that if you take

a conscious and creative perspective

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to it, it's I'm going to have this

person's going to have my back for a

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long time, and I'm going to have theirs.

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And that's a huge asset.

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That's a huge benefit to me.

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So how can I find a way?

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To overcome these challenges, whereas if

there's always a overcome or leave option.

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Okay, I can overcome or I can leave.

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You're always going to be stuck in the

should I stay or should I go thinking

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instead of the problem solving thinking.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: absolutely.

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It's really interesting because I'm

reading a book on wealth and wealth

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creation right now and how people in

the last century have gotten wealthy.

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And it talks about the

effect of marriage on wealth.

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And if you look at the people who earn the

most money and have the highest net worth.

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99 percent of them are married and

as you are less and less likely to

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be married, you're also less and

less likely to accumulate wealth.

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So having that person behind you is so

important because life is expensive when

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you're on your own and when there's two

of you, everything becomes so much easier.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023: And it's a

buffer against all the hard times, right?

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One person gets sick or

one person loses a job.

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Other person can pick up the slack and

Yeah, we have this individualistic idea

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that we should, have make all enough money

for ourselves and do everything ourselves.

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And that's a big burden.

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That's hard for anybody to pull off.

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And yeah, I feel one of the things that

I've seen is in shift in my mindset

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about marriage is that originally

it was a very romantic mindset.

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It's all about how I feel

every moment of the day.

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It's always about, having this romantic

moments, which are very important.

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I definitely promote that and support it.

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What that thinking can do is make

you completely take for granted the

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stability this person provides you.

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And then it makes it invisible.

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And then anytime they're not

providing you peak experiences,

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you're irritated and you're annoyed.

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And it's no, this person is like,

stabilizing my life for the long term.

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And I think what I always joke with women

who have, a lot of women I work with

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have very stable husbands and they're

like bored, and I'm like, there's women

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who have husbands who are not boring

and they don't like that very much the

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ones who don't stick with their jobs and

are unpredictable and are very exciting

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and those men are very stressful.

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So sometimes, women like me

and were drawn to me were very.

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We're always growth minded and we're

looking for change and we have that

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very feminine, expansive identity,

which is exciting for us and then

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can look at our husbands and judge

him and be like, it's so mundane.

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He just does the same stuff all the time.

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And it's the reason you get to live

such a vibrant life is because he's

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providing a container that is predictable.

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So now I'm so thankful for the

differences between me and my husband

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because it allows me to be me and have

my exploratory type lifestyle, right?

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audioChrisJolly21512845023:

Yeah, absolutely.

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And as much as so many people want to

pretend like there's no differences

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between the genders these days, there

aren't gender roles and all of that,

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what you said is so key and so true.

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The reason that men seem that way or the

reason women seem that way is because

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we are different and we have different

natures, but it's the combination

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and the balance of those natures

that makes something really special.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Yeah, absolutely.

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When I was coming from a modern

perspective that we're all the same, I

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judged my husband on feminine standards.

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Why is he not like my girlfriends?

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Why doesn't he act like me?

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Why doesn't I, why don't I relate to him

like I relate to my good girlfriends?

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And it's like impossible standard.

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And women are going all over the

place and judging their men by their

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girlfriends and then being like, ah,

he's not, as nurturing as my girlfriend.

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It's yeah, cause he's a dude.

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So usually not the same

as your girlfriends.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: Totally.

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Okay.

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Now, I want to talk a little

more specifically about some of

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the women you help because now,

of course, everybody can relate.

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We all have the same kind of struggles

and relationships and all of that.

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But specifically, when you're like, in the

corporate world, or you're an entrepreneur

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or something of that nature, you have

this whole other thing that takes up so

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much of your life and time and energy.

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On top of, your relationship and your

family and whatever else have you.

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What are some of the maybe special

challenges that women in those

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positions kind of face that you see?

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Great question.

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One of the main challenges

they have is turning it off.

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Like turning off the go go, and so

they'll have extremely high standards for

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themselves and that will create a lot of

tension because, out there in the world,

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they're kicking ass and taking names like

they're really effective, take a lot of

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pride in that and it's awesome, right?

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And they feel really good about it.

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And then they come into their home

environment and they're trying to

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maintain a level of perfection,

like whether cleanliness or decor

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or how their kids be operate.

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And that tips them over.

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It's too much.

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They become burnt out and stressful.

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They become irritable and they start to

treat their husband like an employee.

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Like they're trying to get him to help

them maintain an impossible standard.

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And he's resisted to it and not doing it.

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And so what I try to help them with is

Admitting that they're not superhuman,

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first of all, like you can't actually

keep everything hominine at 100%.

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You can't.

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And if you want to prioritize intimacy

with your husband, you want to come

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into your home and prioritize intimacy

with your husband over everything else.

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Like all those little nitty

gritty things that bug you.

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The really cool thing is often

all those things are bugging you

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because you're not getting your

emotional needs met by your husband.

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if he doesn't even talk to you and you

don't even have a connection and you drop

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stuff on the floor, like you're gonna

kill him, like the rage is peaking, but

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when I have them go, okay, you're pretty

burnt out and you could use some help.

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Isn't that right?

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Yeah, nobody helps me.

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Let's talk about how to

get help from your husband.

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How do you talk to him?

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How do you ask?

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How do you be vulnerable?

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And also, how do you appreciate him?

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Because he's thinking, ah,

she does everything herself.

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She doesn't need my help.

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All she does is look at me

like I'm doing something wrong.

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I'm going to retreat,

retreat, retreat from her.

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And so their special challenge is

letting go of control in the home

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sphere and Not using perfection as the

standard, but connection as the standard.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023: Yeah, I

have a feeling that if you were feeling

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really connected and in the bedroom

maybe having great sex and cuddling, you

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probably wouldn't care that much if there

were a few dishes in the sink, right?

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

That's exactly it.

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And you'll see that happen very quickly.

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They'll start doing some of the little

homework assignments I give them.

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And then they'll be like,

Oh my God, we're flirting.

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It's so fun.

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And then I don't care if

he folds the towels wrong.

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Like I'm having so much fun.

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I'm so happy, which is really, it

brings you back to the early days.

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Cause when you met this guy, he didn't

do all those things right either,

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but you were so happy and you were

so fulfilled that was secondary.

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audioChrisJolly21512845023:

Yeah, absolutely.

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Now, it's so easy, like you said, to

continue the mindset that we have in work

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and to bring it home and to get caught

up in the productivity culture and the

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guilt of feeling like we're not doing

everything and all things to all people.

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And I, I know personally, because I know

that I'm wired like this if there's I'm

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very, I think a lot and if something

is going through my mind, and I feel

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like things aren't settled somewhere.

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It's hard for me to sit down

and concentrate and be with my

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partner and be intimate because

I'm over here, not in my body.

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So for people who are having those kind

of struggles, what is something they

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can do to help them like, let go of the

to do list and, just enjoy the moment.

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audioShilohMinor11512845023:

That's a real good question.

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Cause you're right.

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People will say I have so much to do.

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All I can do is think about it.

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Last thing on my mind is sexuality for

some women when they have the list.

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They're like, I don't want to relax.

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Breathing is really big.

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Just breathing like there's lots of

different breathwork modalities, I'm sure

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but, breathing in and then breathing out

twice as slow and doing that 10 times.

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And I also have women just put their

hands on their bodies and go what am

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:

I feeling right now, like what is the,

because you think you're thinking about

359

:

all this stuff but really you're anxious.

360

:

Your body is anxious and you're

blaming it on the jobs you have to get

361

:

done, but like your body's anxious.

362

:

So that's the first cue, right?

363

:

And so having them get into their

bodies and go, okay, I'm anxious.

364

:

And nurture that, of course you're

anxious, you got a lot on your plate,

365

:

you're working so hard because.

366

:

Because for me, and for so

many of the women I work with,

367

:

we're desperate for someone to

validate how hard we're working.

368

:

Like for someone to say, man, like

you are holding up all these balls,

369

:

you are juggling all that stuff.

370

:

And because we're not getting that

validation externally, and we're

371

:

not giving it to ourselves, we

feel like I must have to do more.

372

:

I didn't get it done.

373

:

I'm not perfect yet.

374

:

And no one has celebrated me.

375

:

Where's my celebration?

376

:

Where's my Emmy?

377

:

So instead, it's Telling yourself and I

did this work a lot personally because

378

:

I had impossible mom standards, I took

longer than I wanted to have kids.

379

:

So I had too many years to idealize

it and imagine how amazing I would be

380

:

and how amazing family life would be.

381

:

And it's a shit show on many occasions

when you have small children, like

382

:

really wildly weird and messy.

383

:

And I had to, I chose to

and it's changed my life.

384

:

To really have a practice of, wow, Shiloh,

look at all you do, everybody's fed,

385

:

these kids have a mom who does her best

and tries to attune to them and says,

386

:

sorry, instead of a standard of, I don't

ever yell, the food's always perfect

387

:

and organic, I'm teaching them things

they're always, not, hating each other.

388

:

It's like seeing the things

I do, and that's a microcosm.

389

:

That's where your relationship

yourself is projected onto your

390

:

relationship with your husband.

391

:

Because now I see all the ways

of what I'm doing, and I tell

392

:

myself about it over and over.

393

:

And then I can look at my husband and

go, Okay, maybe we haven't been on a date

394

:

in like God knows how long, but he plays

with the kids in every spare minute.

395

:

He doesn't go out and burn time.

396

:

He never buys things crazy without asking.

397

:

You take that for granted because

that's already his character.

398

:

Just like you take yourself for granted.

399

:

I'm an intentional mom

who tries real hard.

400

:

And so this taking for

granted is the poison, really.

401

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023:

yeah, absolutely.

402

:

It's so easy to do and so easy to look

at all of the things that we're doing

403

:

wrong and, it's just years of conditioning

and having all of these impossible

404

:

standards we see in TV and culture

and the truth is life isn't like that.

405

:

Yeah,

406

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: No, it's not.

407

:

It's conditioning.

408

:

And I think it's a bit

hardwired too, right?

409

:

Our brains are wired to look for the

problems and always trying to survive.

410

:

And now that we're in, myself and my

clients in fairly comfortable situations,

411

:

we're still looking for problems.

412

:

Like in a sense we've arrived, like

as far as humanity is concerned.

413

:

We have enough food.

414

:

We have stable shelter.

415

:

Our kids are like survivability

is like way up, but we're like,

416

:

but something's got to be wrong.

417

:

And so we need to constantly be mediating

against that natural negativity bias.

418

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: 100%.

419

:

Now, as well as anybody, Shiloh, the

way that the childhood traumas and

420

:

wounds that we live out, the stories and

programmings we take on from other people

421

:

affect our lives well into our adulthood.

422

:

And of course, I see this with people

and their money stories all the time.

423

:

So what was the story you

got around money growing up?

424

:

And where would you say

you're at with it now?

425

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Oh, that's such a good question.

426

:

I've been diving into this money story

since I became an entrepreneur and part of

427

:

the reason I'm an accidental entrepreneur

and didn't have any intention is

428

:

because my money story was entrepreneurs

waste a lot of time and money.

429

:

Okay.

430

:

They don't spend time with the

family while they blow the money.

431

:

It was a really negative story

because I had seen people with their

432

:

grandiose visions, invest a whole

bunch of money, nothing to show for it.

433

:

Lots of shame, like just the worst.

434

:

And so for me, it's a challenge.

435

:

I'm still working with it, but it's.

436

:

It's that you don't, first of all, have

to invest the farm to be an entrepreneur.

437

:

That was a lie, and that's something

I see still sold everywhere.

438

:

Unless you burn the bridges and go all in,

you're not for real, you're playing games.

439

:

And that's a story that I actively resist.

440

:

I'm like, no, this is, it's not

about how much money you spend.

441

:

That means you're a

serious business person.

442

:

And also that you will make

mistakes, and that's okay.

443

:

You're going to make investments and I've

made investments that, weren't what I

444

:

thought they were, or I didn't capitalize

on them as well as I could have.

445

:

And really for me, I think

the work is around shame of.

446

:

You don't know it all when you're

learning to be an entrepreneur.

447

:

And especially with my upbringing where

it was, a all or nothing black and white

448

:

story getting into the nuance of, yeah,

you're going to have to do some trial and

449

:

error with the money and that's okay too.

450

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023:

yeah, absolutely.

451

:

And that point about burning the

ships you brought up is so important

452

:

something that I love to talk about

because I've done it both ways.

453

:

I've just gone all in taking

every last dollar I have and not

454

:

look back and it can work, but it

usually only works for a while.

455

:

And then you don't have anything to fall

back on because it's like rushing to build

456

:

a house without putting in the foundation.

457

:

If you don't have the strength

of that architecture, the first

458

:

time you try to weather a storm,

you're going to blow over.

459

:

And I've also built a business

more slowly and deliberately

460

:

while I was working in a job.

461

:

And when you do that,

yeah, it does take longer.

462

:

But if you can stay focused and you

know that you have the stable income

463

:

coming in, it takes away all of that,

the constant worrying and wondering.

464

:

And am I going to be able

to keep this thing going?

465

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: Yeah.

466

:

I love hearing that because in a sense

I'm like that, but motherhood is my job.

467

:

And so there's sometimes I feel

like, oh, I shouldn't be doing more.

468

:

I should be growing faster.

469

:

And it's no, motherhood's my main job.

470

:

I have a two, a four year

old and a six year old.

471

:

And I made that choice, when I had

kids, that would be my priority.

472

:

And so I, yeah, I feel very

validated and that's what I'm

473

:

doing and building this strong.

474

:

I'm trying to build a strong foundation

where it's very clear what I do.

475

:

I find systems that work for me and then

as my kids get older, I can invest more

476

:

and more time into it and I don't have to.

477

:

It's really the shiny object

syndrome is real like.

478

:

As an Enneagram 7 and that kind of person.

479

:

I'm like let's do something fun with this.

480

:

Let's find the quick way.

481

:

Let's make it a game.

482

:

And so it's been a discipline for me

to have that constant steady effort.

483

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023:

Yeah, absolutely.

484

:

And I think it's important to remember

to, we see all these people glorified

485

:

like Elon Musk and all of these

entrepreneurs who do really well.

486

:

And would I like that level of success?

487

:

Sure.

488

:

I wouldn't turn it down if it came to me.

489

:

At the same time, I don't want

to work 18 hours a day, every

490

:

day for the rest of my life.

491

:

I want to have a life and have

a family and become financially

492

:

free and enjoy my time.

493

:

Not to say that they're not enjoying their

time, but we just have this unrealistic

494

:

picture of what it's supposed to be.

495

:

And for most people, that's

not even what they desire.

496

:

That's not what financial

freedom is to them.

497

:

They don't want to build rockets.

498

:

They just want to have a nice life,

do something they love, travel,

499

:

and spend time with their family.

500

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023:

Oh yeah, you nailed it.

501

:

That's exactly it.

502

:

And that's for me too.

503

:

I love my work.

504

:

So it's not that.

505

:

I'm like, Oh, I want to get away from

my work as fast as possible, but I want

506

:

that time with my family and I want the

time for self care and that's what I

507

:

see with my clients and, women generally

is we don't prioritize our self care.

508

:

And then it doesn't matter how much money

you have or how you're wonderful your

509

:

husband is, you're not going to be happy.

510

:

Like you have to put in the time.

511

:

And that's when you talk

about being financially free.

512

:

One of the things that inspires me

and my why is I want to be able to pay

513

:

for all the alternative modalities,

the acupuncture, the Austin path,

514

:

the things that are going to make my

quality of life good when I'm like

515

:

80, I'm looking for this, I'm 40 now.

516

:

So I'm thinking about the next 40

years and then also, travel and

517

:

have some of those enjoyable things.

518

:

So when I think of being financially

free, it's like mostly just to

519

:

maximize my quality of life.

520

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: right.

521

:

Absolutely.

522

:

For most people, it's not about money

because at the end of the day, the money

523

:

is just a number right in your account.

524

:

It's what you do with it and the

type of life that it can provide you.

525

:

And so few people just want to say,

Oh yeah, I made 10 million and look,

526

:

it says 10 million and now I'm happy

and my life is fulfilled, right?

527

:

And there are people who are fabulously

wealthy who are totally miserable and

528

:

people who are poorer than dirt that

are the happiest people on earth, right?

529

:

So it's not how much you have.

530

:

It's what you do with it

and how you feel about it.

531

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023:

That's so true.

532

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: Okay, awesome.

533

:

I think I can skip asking you what

financial freedom looks like, too,

534

:

because we just went into that and

you gave us a great description.

535

:

So now I want to ask you how

you're working to create that.

536

:

So where are you on your

journey to financial freedom?

537

:

And what has you found to be most

useful in building your business

538

:

and building up your assets?

539

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: So I'm

pretty, I guess I would say I'm in the

540

:

awareness phase, like I'm gathering

a lot of information and because I

541

:

had such an avoidant relationship

with money most of my life, I'm still

542

:

really scared to make investments

things that have any level of risk.

543

:

And so I'm like really gathering

resources and trying to.

544

:

Get comfortable and get knowledge

around how to do this in a way that's

545

:

not risky or what it will be risky,

but not too risky, not status, but

546

:

something that doesn't stay in the

way I'm hoping to get, portfolio.

547

:

That's more complex.

548

:

I have like our peace or whatever,

but something that is more robust.

549

:

That's a clear plan because

for me, it's about retirement.

550

:

It's about those golden years.

551

:

I have a lot of elderly friends who

are like 70 80 90 and it's like a whole

552

:

nother phase of life between retirement.

553

:

65 and 85.

554

:

It's a long life for a lot

of women nowadays and men.

555

:

So sorry.

556

:

So you're saying where am I at?

557

:

And then the other thing is,

I'm read the book profit first.

558

:

And that saved me in terms of my fears

about being an entrepreneur, like he

559

:

talks about how entrepreneurs are, he's

eradicating entrepreneurial poverty

560

:

like these entrepreneurs have no

money, which was my perspective on it.

561

:

So profit first really has helped me

that's been my main step where you know,

562

:

certain percentage always goes to my

family, so I never feel like I'm not in

563

:

that the time I'm spending doesn't go

back to my family, and then a certain

564

:

percentage goes into my business.

565

:

And then, I say for taxes and profit

and just doing that has relieved so

566

:

much anxiety has put a structure on it.

567

:

I recommend that to anybody who's

starting a new business and, doesn't

568

:

know where the money should go.

569

:

And especially because he eradicates

this notion of plow it all back

570

:

in, plow it all back in, right?

571

:

Oh, your business will go faster.

572

:

And really what I find is that.

573

:

This is embarrassing, but I

know that other people relate.

574

:

You can spend on your business the

way you spend on clothes and jewelry.

575

:

You can just buy stuff

because you like it.

576

:

And then call it building a business.

577

:

But it's because you wanted to buy stuff.

578

:

It's because you had an inquisitive

urge to take and have and be

579

:

part of something glamorous.

580

:

Whether it's a mastermind or A course

that some cool coaches running and

581

:

they market to you effectively.

582

:

And then you're like,

Oh, I need this thing.

583

:

I need this thing.

584

:

When is that really what's

building your business?

585

:

Maybe not.

586

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023:

yeah, that's such a good point.

587

:

And I think that all of

us are guilty of that.

588

:

I know so many people, myself included,

who probably have way too many software

589

:

subscriptions that they don't use.

590

:

I've started businesses and been

like, all right, we need to go do

591

:

a photo shoot and we got to do this

and that and buy all of these things.

592

:

And that's all fun.

593

:

And expensive, but it

doesn't generate revenue.

594

:

What you need to do is sit down and

figure out your market and work on your

595

:

product and, market test it with people,

and all of these things that we all

596

:

know that you're supposed to do, but

yeah, we get the shiny object and we can

597

:

call it a business expense or whatever.

598

:

So we just go off and do it.

599

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: So it saves

you from the business expense syndrome

600

:

to make sure that not all your money

is eligible for business expenses.

601

:

I think that's a really good,

that has really helped me.

602

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023:

that's a great point.

603

:

Absolutely.

604

:

Okay.

605

:

Now I want you to imagine that

I've given you a magic wand.

606

:

You can wave at one time and make

anything happen inside of your

607

:

business in the next six to 12 months.

608

:

What is that one thing that

you're going to ask for?

609

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: I

wasn't confused by these questions.

610

:

Are these process things like make

my business a certain way or is it

611

:

outcome things like with the clients?

612

:

What I want, this is

what I'm working towards.

613

:

So this should be what I pick.

614

:

It's not one thing, but I want

there, I want my system to work.

615

:

I want there to be the clear, concise,

Client journey, that I can either

616

:

do ads or I can do live webinars

and that I have that all just.

617

:

a whale oiled machine.

618

:

I want my business to be cohesive.

619

:

I've been doing everything myself

and talking to people directly and

620

:

I like doing that, but I'm desiring

to mature this thing into something

621

:

that works on its own if it needs to.

622

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: Awesome.

623

:

I love that.

624

:

I can't wait to see where

you're at in a year and see the

625

:

progress you've made on that.

626

:

So it's been a pleasure having you on

had a real blast chatting with you.

627

:

I'm sure everybody's going to get a

lot out of this for people who want to

628

:

know more about you and what you do.

629

:

Where's the best place they

can go to find that out.

630

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: So you

can find my website at Shilominer.

631

:

com and I'm also on Facebook, Shilominer

on Instagram, Shiloh the love coach.

632

:

So any of those places you

can check me out, message me.

633

:

I'm very Happy to have a conversation

with anybody who's curious about

634

:

their relationships and has questions.

635

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: Awesome.

636

:

Very cool.

637

:

Now, before I let you go, your best

piece of advice or parting words for

638

:

all the other entrepreneurs out there.

639

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: My

best piece of advice is that just

640

:

like a marriage, if you want this

to be your business, stop asking

641

:

yourself if it's going to work or not.

642

:

Decide it's going to work and then

take the steps to make that happen.

643

:

audioChrisJolly21512845023: I love it.

644

:

Perfect.

645

:

So easy.

646

:

So concise.

647

:

Great advice.

648

:

All right, everybody, if you're

listening out there and you've enjoyed

649

:

this as much as I have, please go

ahead and subscribe to the podcast.

650

:

Like I asked you to each and

every episode and give us one of

651

:

those five star reviews as well.

652

:

It helps us out a ton to get the

word out to more entrepreneurs.

653

:

And if you're an entrepreneur like our

amazing guest Shiloh, and you want to

654

:

come on the podcast too, I'd love to chat.

655

:

You can go to pyfpodcast.

656

:

com for that.

657

:

That's the letters pyfpodcast.

658

:

com and we'll talk to you over there.

659

:

Thank you all so much.

660

:

Shiloh.

661

:

Thanks again.

662

:

audioShilohMinor11512845023: Thank you.

663

:

That was so much fun.

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About the Podcast

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Pay Yourself First
A Podcast for Entrepreneurs

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Christopher Jolly